White Knuckling!

Boy the first few days of a diet a person always struggles the most. I have the mentality that its my birthday and I should be able to eat whatever I want to! After all its MY day. There is always tomorrow to do this. The problem with that thinking is that tomorrow will come and Ill come up with another excuse. And Im just not ok with that anymore!

I need to do this. Its not just a want to. Its a need to. I feel myself dying every day. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I know something isnt right. Being 385 lbs isnt right! Who in their right mind would ever think it is?

Now I know some of you out there are like wait a minute! Who are you to judge? Im not judging. It is a medical FACT. We all know how unhealthy it is. I dont know about you, but I wake up tired because I cant sleep properly. I might have sleep apnea, who knows. Ive never been tested, but its more prevailant in fat people! I also have GERD. Thats not medically diagnosed but stuff refluxes up to my throat all the time. Every day. and its from being too fat. My stomach is being contorted by my fat cells and its affecting how things digest... Get the picture?

Within minutes of getting up, my knees and ankles start to hurt. My back hurts from sleeping on my stomach, the only way I can sleep with this amount of fat. All that weight pulling on my back all night.... Its not good.

I could go on for days, but if you are as morbidly (meaning: disturbing, diseased and in some cases FATAL!) obese as I am you know everything I am going through and how I feel.

This is why I have to start today. If I dont start today, when am I going to start? These things only get harder as we age. Thats not to say its impossible, but the fight is much harder. Ive had it hard my whole life. Why would I want to make this intentionally harder than it needs to be. IF I even age past 40. The way I feel, I doubt I would make it much past that. And thats not acceptable.